As I sit here today reflecting back on the last several months and thinking of all of the things the Lord is working and stirring up in me and all that He is teaching me. I realize that I have been missing one VERY important ingredient.
Many have noticed and been affected by the lack of this ingredient in my life. I have recently heard it put this way...We effect the atmosphere wherever we go. We can have a positive effect or negative effect. If I am full of God and have this secret (but not really so secret) ingredient then I effect the atmosphere with God's presence and in the most positive ways. But if I am not filled with God and the things of God or His presence then all I bring to the atmosphere is myself. The truth of that is this. I have nothing of worth to give. But God has EVERYTHING of worth to give.
What is this ingredient that I have been lacking? What is the missing ingredient in my life these days?
JOY.
Sadly, when I look back on the last little while I see such a lack of Joy.
Joy is a FREE gift and it comes from the LORD alone. Joy should have NOTHING to do with my circumstances, feelings or daily life. No one can TAKE my joy from me.
Here is the ugly truth. I chose to give it up. No one took it from me, nothing took it from me. I chose to give it up.
Anyone else just shudder?
I am thankful that I can think back and find moments where I had joy but as a whole I gave my joy up. I allowed situations, hurt, and daily stresses to steal my joy.
Many have been affected by this. Many have even been hurt by this. That is simply the hard truth.
Also as hurtful is the truth that time cannot be regained. It is simply gone. But not wasted because of all that I have learned.
I have learned so much in this valley that I have found myself in these past few months. I am learning SO MUCH.
I do fully believe that it is in the valleys that we learn the most about ourselves. I am thankful, so thankful for the things that I am learning and re-learning.
Two major "re-learnings" have occurred in me recently.
1. God has been speaking to me about giving the gift of unconditional love. Especially this Christmas season.
2. He has also shown me that I am lacking my Joy. The free gift of Joy that comes from my relationship with Him and not from my circumstances.
You see I am "re-learning" both of these lessons. Though these lessons have come to me separately they are not separate at all.
John 15:9-17 says this, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."
Love and Joy are connected!
To sum it all up...If I am obeying HIS commands and loving unconditionally; loving the unlovely then my joy will be complete. If I am filling up on His presence, His word & His promises then I will effect the atmosphere wherever I go with THOSE things instead of me.
Several have been affected by ME lately and let me just say...it has not had the outcome that my heart or God's heart would desire.
I want to be a student of people and not a critic. When I walk around only full of me I find myself way more critical than I should ever be. But if I am a student of those around me, I can learn about them and love them. If I am loving them, listening to them and full of HIM then I am not critical. I am bubbling with JOY and can give unconditional love. (SOOOOOO much learning lately!!!)
I want to LOVE bigger, walk in unspeakable JOY and effect the atmosphere with HIS presence. And I truly want to be a student rather than a critic ALWAYS.
Father,
Forgive me. Forgive me for taking so long to see the whole of what you have been trying to teach me. Forgive me for the ways that I have affected the atmosphere that are NOT pleasing to you or that do not bring you glory. Forgive me Father and I pray that those who have been affected by this missing ingredient will forgive me too. Thank you Father for never giving up on me, for never turning your back on me no matter how much my behavior, thoughts, words and actions must break your heart. Thank you for never shutting me out. Thank you for always pursuing me, loving me and teaching me. Father, I desire to LOVE just like you. Unconditionally. No matter what hurts, attitudes, words, actions, situations, lies, misunderstandings, life, stresses, or lack comes my way. Help me to see all the ugly in my heart so that YOU can clean it up and so that I may bring YOU glory in all that I do and say. Always. Thank you also Father for friends who stand with me no matter what season I find myself in and who pray for me and point me back to you. I am so grateful. In Jesus' sweet name I pray. Amen.
