Where Are You?

"Where are you? Where are you?"

I cry out, "where are you?" It is dark and I feel lost, alone, and scared. 

He gently whispers, "I am here where I have always been. My Daughter, where have you been?"

I sigh, because I immediately know that once again I have been on a journey without my Lord. I have left Him waiting for my return.

I hang my head. I am ashamed and embarrassed.

He gently lifts my chin. We lock hearts. And the embrace that comes next is one that releases the breath that I did not even know I had been holding for all this time. The embrace lasts for a long time. When He pulls back I feel a freedom that I had been longing for, for far too long.

This is the cycle of my life. I set out on my own path, with my own plan all too often and leave my Lord waiting on my return. Where He picks up the pieces and cleans up the mess I made and continues to love me without condition or exception.

My Lord is so so good and so so faithful. He gives though I do not deserve. 

He was and is and is to come. He has and will always be. 

His love is different than the love of this world and this generation. I am truly thankful and glad.

I want to love like Him. I want to give like Him. I want to be like Him.

I fail often. I disappoint often. I leave often. Too often. 

He never leaves. He never fails. He never disappoints. He loves me.

He loves you. More than you could ever fathom. More that I can ever fathom.

He calls out to you, "where are you my beloved?"

How will you answer?

Lord Jesus,

I pray right now for every reader. I pray for the light to finally break through the darkness. I pray for the truth to finally destroy all lies. I pray that Your love would transform their life the way that it has transformed mine and beyond. I pray for courage to believe and follow. I pray for grace and mercy to embrace them. I pray for the embrace that they have been longing for all of their lives. In Jesus' mighty name I pray. Amen.

September 2020 Life Update

 Hi Loves,

It has been too long. There is no particular reason that I have not been writing. I have been quite unmotivated. Possibly a little overwhelmed and maybe a little burn out.

So here we are beginning September of the craziest year I can remember. 2020 has definitely been something.

Currently my boys are sitting at their cubies working on school. Today has been full of coloring, cutting, gluing and practicing our writing and drawing shapes. 

Due to Covid we are having school virtually for the first nine weeks at least. I personally am praying that the kids get to go back to face to face school in November!

E is starting his Kindergarten year and I am working with G on preschool things so that he too is learning. 

I also started tracking points on Weight Watchers again after jumping off the wagon when quarantine started and crashing to the ground. I gained and am now started at a higher weight than when I began last October. But, I know this program works and I want to work it and keep working it until the healthy habits become the norm.

It is now Friday. What a week we have had. A good, different and somewhat exhausting week. 

Easton logs on to his school iPad each morning at 8:00am and has a live Google meeting with his teacher. She is wonderful and positive and joyful and such a blessing! Later he has PE on Google meet and then we log back on with his teacher. This is what school looks like for us right now and we are thankful to have made it through the first week. 

This mama is praying that our students get to go back to face to face learning as soon as this first nine weeks are over. 

So we made it and now we get a THREE day weekend and I think that was well designed for all of us!!

Happy Labor Day Weekend to you all!

Thoughts while quarantined...

I want you all to know that currently I am FILLED with overwhelming THANKFULNESS and PEACE.

Does it make any sense...NO!

I have as much to be frustrated with as the next person.

Our jobs are uncertain.
Our vacation was cancelled.
My trip to see my best friend was cancelled.
My son is home from school way earlier than I expected.
All of my social outings are cancelled.

But let this sink in as you read...

I am full of so much THANKFULNESS for so many things...

1. Family Time at home. 
2. Opportunities that I was "too distracted" for have become realities.
3. Technology - 1. To see the way the church has spread the gospel online is truly incredible.
4. Technology - 2. To keep in touch with loved ones.
5. Our back yard.
6. The mostly gorgeous weather.
7. Making meals TOGETHER.
8. Disney+ - let's face it...it is a perfect life saver during these days!
9. Joy, unspeakable joy! Because my joy does NOT come from these circumstances!
10. The world slowing down. How would we ever get this opportunity to slow down and count what matters most. 

There is so much more but I just wanted to spread a little joy and positive things. There are here! 
These are unprecedented times for sure. But we still have so much to be thankful for.

I am praying for God to turn all that the enemy meant for evil to good. I know that is His heart. I am also praying for God to teach me all that He wants for me to learn during this unique time. I am also praying for protection and safety. 

Lord, what a unique time we are in. I know that none of this takes You by surprise. I am praying the words of the song The Blessing by Kari Jobe and Cody Carnes...
May His presence go before you
And behind you, and beside you
All around you, and within you
He is with you, He is with you

In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you, He is for you

Lord you are good and worthy even in these different and difficult times. We trust YOU and we know that YOU will turn what the enemy wants to use for evil into so much GOOD!!
In Jesus' name. Amen