Roots

The other day I had a cringe-worthy realization. Sometimes I get down right petty with my boys. I get tired and grumpy, and then get on to them about petty things.

Ugh, who wants a mom like that!

I am thankful to have learned that recognition is half of the battle. I do not plan to continue to be petty with my boys. It is something I will be working to stop and change.

But how?

Well, my plan is to find the roots. Where does this pettiness come from? What triggers this inside of me?

As I was thinking about this today I believe I might have found a connecting piece to this new puzzle/battle.

Control. Oh how I love to try to control my surroundings.

I happen to know the roots (there are many) of my control issues, but I had never connected it to this new irritating pettiness.

I understand control to be an illusion, though I make myself quite comfortable in that illusion regularly. I love my illusion of control and hold tightly to it, even though I know that it is just an illusion.

Crazy! Right?

When I feel things begin to spin out of control, which happens quickly when I am tired or grumpy, I begin to try to control all of the petty little things. It builds so quickly, and before I know it, I am literally fussing about EVERYTHING. I fuss about things that I know I would normally not get upset about.

So the root of my petty fussing is control and the root of my control issues is...well a long story, but I am well aware of the root.

So now what?

(I am piecing this together as I write to you reader)

So, now I try to catch myself BEFORE I begin get petty and controlling. I PRACTICE stopping in the midst or preferably BEFORE I get to that point. I apologize to those I am being petty to and try to regroup as quickly as possible.

And by regroup, I mean stop and ask Jesus to come into the moment immediately when I recognize the battle.

Roots...roots are often hidden far beneath the surface but it is worth our while to dig deep and identify them. I believe that it is then that we can really begin to win the battle.

What are the roots of your battles? What are your battles?
Fear? Control? Pettiness? Complaining? Gossiping? Anger? Jealousy?

Jesus,
I ask you right now to come into our moments, make yourself known and felt. I pray that we would be able to easily identify the battles and the roots and that we would allow YOU to come in and dispel the lies of our enemy, the devil. I pray Jesus that you would fill us with your wisdom and discernment. I pray Jesus that you would help us to have clear vision and that you would help us to be willing to find the cause inside of us instead of pointing the finger else where. I thank you Jesus for the learning that when something comes up that displeases us the first place we are to look in within OURSELVES and not point the finger at another. Help me to see if there is any offensive way in me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen

Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting

Psalm 139:23-24