How the tides have turned.

Have you heard the saying, "the tides have turned"?

Lately I have noticed several different areas in my life where the "tides have turned".  Where one thing has become the opposite of what it was. Some good and some not good.

When I think back on the places I have been and the way things were, I am quite please with how the Lord has allowed the tides to turn in a more favorable way. It took work, lots of work but with the Lord's help and effort the tides turned and there are things that are much better now than before.
I hope that we can all say that there are areas where the Lord has helped us to overcome things and change for the better.

I can also look back and see ways that the tides have turned in an unfavorable way. Pieces of me that when I finally recognize them truly break my heart and some even disgust me.
There have been a couple of situations recently that have caused me stop and to take a good look inward. My initial response was to give in to my sinful nature and to place blame elsewhere but the prompting of the Holy Spirit encourages me to look inward instead of pointing the finger elsewhere.

Pslam 139:23-24 has become my prayer. It says, "Search ME, O God, and know MY heart; test ME and know MY anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in ME, and lead me in THE WAY everlasting."

When I want to point my finger at something or someone else, that is EXACTLY the time when I need to stop and look inward. Desiring to place blame elsewhere, is a tell-tell sign that my sin nature has taken over and I need to quickly turn that finger toward myself ALONE!

Think about it. How are we supposed to recognize sin unless God points it out?

We can trust the Lord with this prayer. Yes, it is initially very uncomfortable to pray and ask God to point out the sin in us and the offensive ways in us. But HE IS TRUSTWORTHY.
God is not a God of condemnation! In fact the opposite is true. God's heart is to convict and save not condemnation. This applies to me and any who may or may not have wronged me.

So when I want to seek justice against something or someone else, God, instead, wants me to pray that those who have hurt or wronged me will turn to him BEFORE he judges them. You see, this is GOD'S HEART, that NONE should perish!

Ultimately I believe that in EVERY situation God desires for us to look to Him for what He can teach us. I want to know if there is any offensive way in me and who better to tell me than MY CREATOR, MY BEST FRIEND, MY GOOD GOOD FATHER? Then, when God shows us, we can repent and be forgiven and we become better and more Christ-like. I want so badly to be more like Christ Jesus EVERYDAY!

If I am not moving forward then I am moving backward. I do not want to go backward. I have worked so hard, with God's help, to get to the place that I am at now and I still have such a long long way to go! There are moments when I absolutely CANNOT wait to get to heaven and BREATHE and finally be done with sin, hurt, pain and shame!

Another scripture that stands out to me is found in Psalm 141:3-4. It says, "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil to take part in wicked deeds." Oh how desperately I need to make this my prayer as well. I admit that I spend far too much time speaking before I think or pray and allowing my heart to be drawn away from God.

If I spent my energy learning about God and learning what God sees in me then I truly would not have the time or desire to waste on wicked deeds (judgmental thoughts, gossip, etc.).

Father,
Forgive me. Forgive me for allowing my heart to be drawn to evil and for taking part in wicked deeds. Forgive me for allowing my time to be wasted elsewhere. Father I pray that you would search me and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Father I pray that you would set a guard over my mouth and keep watch over the door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil or to take part in wicked deeds. Help me to be brave enough to allow you to search me and show me. Give me strength to truly repent and change my behaviors. I need you everyday Lord. I desire to spend more time with YOU so that I can truly be a light to the world around me. Help me to do a better job of bringing You glory with my thoughts and words, deeds and actions. In Jesus' name. Amen.

In the midst of hurt.

What is my response in the midst of hurt? If I am not careful I will cause hurt in the wake of my hurt.

We've all heard the saying, "Hurt people, hurt people." I simply do NOT want to one of THOSE people.

We ARE all going to experience hurt. Some of it caused by our own sinful nature and some of it caused by the sinful nature of others. It is inevitable. It is a given. Hurt WILL happen.

What is my response in the midst of that? Do I lash out? Do I spread it in order to be heard and seen? Do I speak it to be justified and gather others unto me? Or do I gracefully take it back to Jesus?

In my sinfulness I have done all of those things. I am ashamed to admit but honesty is where I find freedom.

I am sinful. I am imperfect. In the midst of hurts caused both by me and others I have indeed lashed out, spoke out, desired a following and even taken my hurts to Jesus.

As I was studying Hannah (1 Samuel 1:1-28 & 2:1-10) this morning my eyes were opened anew to how God honors those who come to Him in honest prayer, with the hurts of this world.

Hannah was a barren women who shared her loving  husband with a bully who was NOT barren. Hannah could have lashed out, she could have sounded out but instead she wept and prayed before the Lord and asked HIM to intervene on her behalf.

NIV Life Application study notes say: Each of us may face times of barrenness when "nothing comes to birth" in our work, service, or relationships. It is difficult to pray in faith when you feel so ineffective. But, as Hannah discovered, prayer opens the way for God to work.

Pray in faith. Pray in faith when we do not feel like it. Pray in faith when we want to speak out or lash out. Pray in faith when we feel sorry for ourselves. Pray in faith when we feel ineffective.

Prayer opens the way for God to work. Prayer opens our hearts. Prayer opens our eyes. Prayer shifts our focus back to HIM. Pray. Pray. Pray.

Today I have sought the Lord in prayer and have once again asked Him to FORGIVE ME and to PROTECT ME from my own sinful nature and from the bitterness that hurt can cause.

I do not want to hurt people out of my own hurt. I do not want to become bitter. I do not want to walk around with a burden that does not belong to me in the first place. I do not want to be changed from the person God created me to be.

Father,
I pray that no matter what hurt comes my way, may I always bring it right back to you and allow you to carry that burden and heal my heart to the fullest so that I may continue to love without holding anything back. Father, I ask you for forgiveness. Forgive me for lashing out and speaking out when I should have come to you. Forgive me for desiring justification instead of YOUR WILL. Forgive me for allowing ugly things to rule my heart. Father I ask that YOU heal all hurt and remove all bitterness from my heart. Father I ask you to always allow me to love without condition and with abandon. Let me hold nothing back out of fear of hurt. Help me to forgive and I seek to be forgiven. Father I pray for every reader that they too would pray and seek forgiveness and healing instead of justification and agreement from others. Speak Lord. Move Lord. In Jesus precious name I pray. Amen.

Deep Breaths

I have fallen. I have failed. I have hurt myself and others. I have been wrong. I have been wronged. I have lost. I have grieved. I have given. I have taken. I have let go. I have held on. I have won. I have ran. I have stayed. I have tried. I have given up.

Deep Breath.

I am kind. I am mean. I am wild. I am quiet. I am bossy. I am a follower. I am judgmental. I am gracious. I am strong. I am weak. I am bold. I am meek. I am ahead. I am behind. I am tired. I am energized. I am found. I am lost.

Deep Breath.

I want to soar. I want to hide. I want to speak. I want to think first. I want to be the best. I want to melt into the background. I want to be bold. I want to run away. I want to be better. I want to give up. I want to share my story. I want to hide my story. I want to spend. I want to save.

Deep Breath.

We have done many things. We are many things. We want many things.

We are at conflict within ourselves on the regular.

There is constantly a battle raging within us and around us.

Deep Breath.

We are a mash-up of sinful and forgiven.

Deep Breath.

God is NOT surprised by us. He is NOT surprised by the battle that wages in our minds and in the spiritual realm.

GOD IS OMNISCIENT = ALL KNOWING.

GOD IS OMNIPOTENT = ALL POWERFUL.

GOD IS OMNIPRESENT = EVERYWHERE.

Sometimes I think we just need to take a few deep breaths and breathe in the presence of our Lord who is ALWAYS with us. We need to take a moment and step back from the circumstance and ask the Lords to show us TRUTH. Breathe in HIS truth.

He is the AIR we BREATHE. Sometimes we need to take a moment and breathe that in and acknowledge that.

Deep Breath. Breathe HIM in. Breathe in His TRUTH.

We have done and will do many things. Breathe HIM in. We are many things. Breathe HIM in. We want many things. BREATHE.

Father,
Today I have been thankful for the sunshine and for a successful day with Easton and the potty. I have also been frustrated with Grayson's constant crying and clinging. I am been fun and silly with my boys and have been stern with them. I have been overwhelmed with my house and all that needs to be cleaned. So I sat down here in my happy place, my office and I breathed you in deep and you gave me peace and perspective. Sometimes I just need to take a deep breath, like I ask the boys to do, and allow YOU. Thank you Lord for your presence. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for your truth. Thank you for being the air I breathe. Thank you for this moment here with you. I love you, I desperately need you, I want you near always. Thank you Heavenly Father for who you are and for all you have been to me. Thank you for being God. Help me to stop trying to be God and to just let YOU. In Jesus' name. Amen.

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