When the capacity to connect is all but gone.

 Hello again readers (if anyone is out there),

I have been thinking the past few days about what the different seasons of our lives can look like. I have been surprised at the drastic change in my own capacity to reach out and connect in this season of my life. 

Anyone ever struggled there too?

I find it quite difficult to talk on the phone for long periods of time like I used to. I find it difficult to remember birthdays and other holidays now. 

There was once a season where I stayed on the phone chatting away and I never missed a birthday or holiday. I love birthdays and holidays. 

I find that now when I think about those things it makes me increasingly tired. I feel like I am going to fail to celebrate even before I begin. 

Planning birthday parties for my children is so stressful and taxing. However, I love birthdays and I love celebrating that my loved ones were born. It is so so important to me. Yet, I find myself failing at it.

Remembering important things comes as a struggle, even with my two planners and iPhone calendar. 

What in the world? 

Is it old age? Is it going back to work? Is it cellphone use? Is it emotions?

I do not have the answer. Likely it is a great combination of all of the above.

Are you there too friend? Are you feeling like you are disconnected and have zero energy to find your way back. 

Let's pray together that the Lord will help us in this area...

Jesus, right now we are struggling in the area of connection. We want to connect and reach out and love our people big but we are finding that difficult in this particular season. We know that you know the where's and why's of it all. We ask Lord that you reveal to us the things that we can do better and different. We ask that you be our strength in our weaknesses. We ask Jesus that you speak to our hearts and help us find our way back. Lord, we trust you and we love you and we know that you have our very best interests at heart ALWAYS. So we ask you to lead us and guide us and help us to be obedient. In Jesus' name. Amen

We did it

We made it through a pandemic. Yes, we sure did.

How is it that one day we are living life as usual and the next the world shuts down? How crazy that we took so many things for granted. 

How is it that now on the other side of that, here we are once again taking those same things for granted?

I am so thankful for the opportunity to take the "normal" things for granted. 

However, we will never quite be the same. We have experienced the effects of loss on a grand scale. We have experienced the effects of isolation. We have experienced the effects of mass unknown. We have experienced church from online and from the parking lot.

No, I don't think we will ever be the same. I hope that we have grown and learned new ways to seek the Lord and find Him. I hope we have learned that God is never far away no matter what we are facing. I hope we have learned the immense value of being together in the church with a body of believers. I hope we have learned that we are important to the body of Christ in every season. 

Life looks a bit different. 

Family looks a bit different.

Ministry looks a bit different.

Since I last wrote I have reentered the workforce. I now work in the boys' school in the lunchroom. I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! I love the work, I love the kids, I love my coworkers, I love it all! 

Our family now looks a bit different. We have embraced some sweet young ladies from our church and have included them into our family and we love them and their families so much. We love getting to do life with this and watching them grow in their walk with the Lord. We are so so proud that they want to be a part of what God is doing in us as well.

Ministry looks different as well. Not only because the pandemic changed us but because I have now stepped into the roll of Interim Youth Pastor at our church. I love what I get to do. I love my kids. I love my youth. I love the families of this church completely. Hubs is still the BEST CHILDRENS PASTOR I have ever known. He is patient, creative, so incredibly hard working and HE LOVES THIS COMMUNITY with all of his heart.

We did it. We didn't give up when the world got scary. We didn't quit fighting to get back inside the church. We didn't quit listening to the direction of the Lord even though it was a bit of a roller coaster for a bit. We didn't stop loving when our hearts were broken. We did it. 

WE did it. God at the lead and us closely following. We could NEVER have made it without HIM. He pulled us through. He has been faithful to be faithful through EVERY twist, turn, ups and downs!

Welcome back to Faith, Family & Ministry! I hope you'll stay a while and share in this journey with me.

Where Are You?

"Where are you? Where are you?"

I cry out, "where are you?" It is dark and I feel lost, alone, and scared. 

He gently whispers, "I am here where I have always been. My Daughter, where have you been?"

I sigh, because I immediately know that once again I have been on a journey without my Lord. I have left Him waiting for my return.

I hang my head. I am ashamed and embarrassed.

He gently lifts my chin. We lock hearts. And the embrace that comes next is one that releases the breath that I did not even know I had been holding for all this time. The embrace lasts for a long time. When He pulls back I feel a freedom that I had been longing for, for far too long.

This is the cycle of my life. I set out on my own path, with my own plan all too often and leave my Lord waiting on my return. Where He picks up the pieces and cleans up the mess I made and continues to love me without condition or exception.

My Lord is so so good and so so faithful. He gives though I do not deserve. 

He was and is and is to come. He has and will always be. 

His love is different than the love of this world and this generation. I am truly thankful and glad.

I want to love like Him. I want to give like Him. I want to be like Him.

I fail often. I disappoint often. I leave often. Too often. 

He never leaves. He never fails. He never disappoints. He loves me.

He loves you. More than you could ever fathom. More that I can ever fathom.

He calls out to you, "where are you my beloved?"

How will you answer?

Lord Jesus,

I pray right now for every reader. I pray for the light to finally break through the darkness. I pray for the truth to finally destroy all lies. I pray that Your love would transform their life the way that it has transformed mine and beyond. I pray for courage to believe and follow. I pray for grace and mercy to embrace them. I pray for the embrace that they have been longing for all of their lives. In Jesus' mighty name I pray. Amen.

September 2020 Life Update

 Hi Loves,

It has been too long. There is no particular reason that I have not been writing. I have been quite unmotivated. Possibly a little overwhelmed and maybe a little burn out.

So here we are beginning September of the craziest year I can remember. 2020 has definitely been something.

Currently my boys are sitting at their cubies working on school. Today has been full of coloring, cutting, gluing and practicing our writing and drawing shapes. 

Due to Covid we are having school virtually for the first nine weeks at least. I personally am praying that the kids get to go back to face to face school in November!

E is starting his Kindergarten year and I am working with G on preschool things so that he too is learning. 

I also started tracking points on Weight Watchers again after jumping off the wagon when quarantine started and crashing to the ground. I gained and am now started at a higher weight than when I began last October. But, I know this program works and I want to work it and keep working it until the healthy habits become the norm.

It is now Friday. What a week we have had. A good, different and somewhat exhausting week. 

Easton logs on to his school iPad each morning at 8:00am and has a live Google meeting with his teacher. She is wonderful and positive and joyful and such a blessing! Later he has PE on Google meet and then we log back on with his teacher. This is what school looks like for us right now and we are thankful to have made it through the first week. 

This mama is praying that our students get to go back to face to face learning as soon as this first nine weeks are over. 

So we made it and now we get a THREE day weekend and I think that was well designed for all of us!!

Happy Labor Day Weekend to you all!

Thoughts while quarantined...

I want you all to know that currently I am FILLED with overwhelming THANKFULNESS and PEACE.

Does it make any sense...NO!

I have as much to be frustrated with as the next person.

Our jobs are uncertain.
Our vacation was cancelled.
My trip to see my best friend was cancelled.
My son is home from school way earlier than I expected.
All of my social outings are cancelled.

But let this sink in as you read...

I am full of so much THANKFULNESS for so many things...

1. Family Time at home. 
2. Opportunities that I was "too distracted" for have become realities.
3. Technology - 1. To see the way the church has spread the gospel online is truly incredible.
4. Technology - 2. To keep in touch with loved ones.
5. Our back yard.
6. The mostly gorgeous weather.
7. Making meals TOGETHER.
8. Disney+ - let's face it...it is a perfect life saver during these days!
9. Joy, unspeakable joy! Because my joy does NOT come from these circumstances!
10. The world slowing down. How would we ever get this opportunity to slow down and count what matters most. 

There is so much more but I just wanted to spread a little joy and positive things. There are here! 
These are unprecedented times for sure. But we still have so much to be thankful for.

I am praying for God to turn all that the enemy meant for evil to good. I know that is His heart. I am also praying for God to teach me all that He wants for me to learn during this unique time. I am also praying for protection and safety. 

Lord, what a unique time we are in. I know that none of this takes You by surprise. I am praying the words of the song The Blessing by Kari Jobe and Cody Carnes...
May His presence go before you
And behind you, and beside you
All around you, and within you
He is with you, He is with you

In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you, He is for you

Lord you are good and worthy even in these different and difficult times. We trust YOU and we know that YOU will turn what the enemy wants to use for evil into so much GOOD!!
In Jesus' name. Amen

Life Update - A change in seasons

Hi friends!

I know it has been a long time since I have written. I'll admit that I got pretty lost in he season that I was in. Having two strong-willed toddler boys at home was all consuming.

However, our season has changed. E is now in K4 and he is thriving. G and I are home and I can admit that it is so much easier having one instead of two. G also happens to be the easier of the two in some aspects. I honestly think that it is just easier having one. 

Less fighting and bickering. Less cups to fill and mouths to feed. Less bodies to keep track of. It is just easier.

I have moved into a season where I am getting to pour back into me through bible studies. 

Oh there have been many days since becoming a mom that I have sincerely missed the days when I was able to read and study the bible for hours on end...every single day!

I am so thankful to once again be in a season where I spend hours studying the bible. I have not had this luxury since Bible College!

I am attending a women's bible study with our church on Thursday nights where we are studying through the Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer! This study is SO GOOD! I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT!

I am also doing a short devotion with my husband everyday and it is so good to discuss the bible together and our thoughts on the devotions.

G and I also attend a community bible study on Friday mornings where he gets to learn the same thing that I am learning in his class. We are studying Acts and letters of the apostles. I am loving the community of this group so much and the study is great too. 

I am indeed very thankful for this season! I am thankful that my children are thriving and I also am thriving. I will enjoy this wonderful season as long as it lasts. I appreciate it so much after coming out of a tougher season with both boys at home.

We have had a wonderful summer though I admit that I am sooo over the heat!  It is officially fall but it certainly does not feel like fall here in the deep south!

Father, thank you for the changing of seasons both in the weather and in our lives. I am so thankful that you are constantly leading us and guiding us as the days change and we enter new seasons through out our lives. What a joy it is to have and Heavenly Father to walk with me in this life. I am so very thankful that you saved me from the darkness and through your son Jesus, you brought me into the light! Thank you for this season of being able to pour into your Word and grow. Help me to cherish every single moment! In Jesus' name. Amen.

Letting Go

I am letting go of the things the enemy of my soul wants me to carry into this new year.

I am letting go of the lies he has told me.
“You are not good enough.”
“You are not worthy of love.”
“You cannot do that, you’re not equipped.”
“You are not a good mom.”
“You are damaging your children.”
“You are not a good friend, wife, daughter, sister & leader.”
“You mess up too much.”
"They are never going to love you."

I am letting go of the hurts and offenses.

I am letting go of my mistakes and the guilt that I allow to plague me.

I am letting go of the negative thoughts and the whining & complaining speech.

I am letting go of the list of things that did not get done.

I am letting go.

I am pressing on.

12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:12-14

Yes I am pressing on.

I am choosing to LEARN everything I can from each of the mistakes that I made but I WILL PRESS ON!

Father, Teach me. Help me to see and learn. Help me to let go of all of the things that the enemy would use to hold me back. I trust YOU. I FOLLOW you. I BELIEVE that you can and will still use me in all of my imperfections and weaknesses. Thank you for not requiring perfection. Thank you for still using me. I cannot wait to see all that YOU have in store for 2019. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Squishy turns TWO

Yesterday we woke up and celebrated our sweet little G all day long!

Our youngest, G, whom I call my Squishy is now TWO!

How fun it has been to watch him grow and learn these two years!

I did not wake up sad. I woke up excited! I am so proud of this two year old and how he has grown and all of the things he has learned.

He walked early, talked early and can do just about everything that his older brother can do! He is smart, sweet and he really is squishy! He is so snuggly!!

I woke up excited that we made it! Parenting two boys so close in age has been the hardest challenge I have faced so far! But waking up to my lil guy turning TWO felt like a turning point for us! I am excited to watch him grow everyday and help him learn!

I love that we are past the infant stage and are now entering into such a fun phase with both boys. They are so fun and FUNNY!! They are PURE JOY!!

Here's to many many more years watching them learn and grow!

Happy Birthday my Squishy! I love you so much!

I love how you get SO EXCITED about the little things. I love that you LOVE life! I love your sweet little voice. I love how excited you are to see me in the mornings and that you wake up happy. I love how you love your brother and daddy so much. I love your snuggles and giggles. I love your precious moments eyes! I love your big appetite! I love your long shaggy hair and your long eyelashes. I love your blue eyes. I love how much you love to "read that book". I love how you laugh so big when I let you get my low five. I love so much about you!

Father,
Thank you for the gift of these amazing boys! Thank you for sharing them with us and for helping us to parent them. Thank you for the wonder that they are. I pray that they would come to know you, learn to love you, allow you to love them and live to serve You allll the days of their lives. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.


I leave you with a picture of sweet newborn Squishy!

The Missing Ingredient

As I sit here today reflecting back on the last several months and thinking of all of the things the Lord is working and stirring up in me and all that He is teaching me. I realize that I have been missing one VERY important ingredient.

Many have noticed and been affected by the lack of this ingredient in my life. I have recently heard it put this way...We effect the atmosphere wherever we go. We can have a positive effect or negative effect. If I am full of God and have this secret (but not really so secret) ingredient then I effect the atmosphere with God's presence and in the most positive ways. But if I am not filled with God and the things of God or His presence then all I bring to the atmosphere is myself. The truth of that is this. I have nothing of worth to give. But God has EVERYTHING of worth to give.

What is this ingredient that I have been lacking? What is the missing ingredient in my life these days?

JOY.

Sadly, when I look back on the last little while I see such a lack of Joy.

Joy is a FREE gift and it comes from the LORD alone. Joy should have NOTHING to do with my circumstances, feelings or daily life. No one can TAKE my joy from me.

Here is the ugly truth. I chose to give it up. No one took it from me, nothing took it from me. I chose to give it up.

Anyone else just shudder?

I am thankful that I can think back and find moments where I had joy but as a whole I gave my joy up. I allowed situations, hurt, and daily stresses to steal my joy.

Many have been affected by this. Many have even been hurt by this. That is simply the hard truth.

Also as hurtful is the truth that time cannot be regained. It is simply gone. But not wasted because of all that I have learned.

I have learned so much in this valley that I have found myself in these past few months. I am learning SO MUCH.

I do fully believe that it is in the valleys that we learn the most about ourselves. I am thankful, so thankful for the things that I am learning and re-learning.

Two major "re-learnings" have occurred in me recently.

1. God has been speaking to me about giving the gift of unconditional love. Especially this Christmas season.
2. He has also shown me that I am lacking my Joy. The free gift of Joy that comes from my relationship with Him and not from my circumstances.

You see I am "re-learning" both of these lessons.  Though these lessons have come to me separately they are not separate at all.

John 15:9-17 says this, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."

Love and Joy are connected!

To sum it all up...If I am obeying HIS commands and loving unconditionally; loving the unlovely then my joy will be complete. If I am filling up on His presence, His word & His promises then I will effect the atmosphere wherever I go with THOSE things instead of me.

Several have been affected by ME lately and let me just say...it has not had the outcome that my heart or God's heart would desire.

I want to be a student of people and not a critic. When I walk around only full of me I find myself way more critical than I should ever be. But if I am a student of those around me, I can learn about them and love them. If I am loving them, listening to them and full of HIM then I am not critical. I am bubbling with JOY and can give unconditional love. (SOOOOOO much learning lately!!!)

I want to LOVE bigger, walk in unspeakable JOY and effect the atmosphere with HIS presence. And I truly want to be a student rather than a critic ALWAYS.

Father,
Forgive me. Forgive me for taking so long to see the whole of what you have been trying to teach me. Forgive me for the ways that I have affected the atmosphere that are NOT pleasing to you or that do not bring you glory. Forgive me Father and I pray that those who have been affected by this missing ingredient will forgive me too. Thank you Father for never giving up on me, for never turning your back on me no matter how much my behavior, thoughts, words and actions must break your heart. Thank you for never shutting me out. Thank you for always pursuing me, loving me and teaching me. Father, I desire to LOVE just like you. Unconditionally. No matter what hurts, attitudes, words, actions, situations, lies, misunderstandings, life, stresses, or lack comes my way. Help me to see all the ugly in my heart so that YOU can clean it up and so that I may bring YOU glory in all that I do and say. Always. Thank you also Father for friends who stand with me no matter what season I find myself in and who pray for me and point me back to you. I am so grateful. In Jesus' sweet name I pray. Amen.

The most wonderful time of the year!!

Hello my readers! I have been MIA!!

I have been a tad overwhelmed with the lessons I have been learning and with the busyness of the season!

We have so many wonderful things going on!

Let me start by BRAGGING on my AMAZING husband! He is so incredible and I am loving watching him live out his calling as a Children's Pastor. He was CLEARLY born to do this.

He is starting a First Priority Bible Club at one of our local Elementary Schools TOMORROW and hopes to begin at another Elementary School in January!!

He spoke at one of the Elementary Schools this morning at one of their ceremonies! Oh my! To say that I am proud of this man just DOES NOT cover it!

He plans our weekly services and our outreaches with anointing, zeal and so much creativity that it blows me away. He loves these kids will all of himself and still loves his family and takes time with us as well!

HE IS MY MR. WONDERFUL!

I am currently working along side a new ministry that some precious ladies dreamed up to bless women in our community that are struggling with drug addiction. I am just mainly moral support but I am loving getting to work with them.

I am planning our Christmas party which is this week and cannot wait to spend time with my wonderful ladies! I love these women so much!

Recently I had the opportunity to speak at a neighboring church's Thanksgiving lunch. It was an incredible blessing to bring a word to women who are fighting to break free from drug and alcohol addiction! The Lord gave me a very specific word and it was uncomfortable and WONDERFUL!!

I am also working with our wonderful church kiddos on our annual Christmas Musical and I am so incredibly proud of my cast and choir! I cannot wait to see them perform in TWO WEEKS!!

Thursday night begins our Christmas Parties and I am so excited! I love Christmas and I love parties!!

We also have G's birthday party coming up!! He was my Christmas baby born on the 21st!! He will be 2 this year! We are having a small family party at our house with Spaghetti and Chocolate cake!

We have almost completed our Christmas shopping for the boys. We do the 5 gift rule. Something to READ. (Done thanks to my Usborne Book Facebook party!) Something they want! (Done thanks to Black Friday shopping done by my hubby!) Something they want. (Easton wants "Blue Puzzles" so we'll be buys some puzzles that hopefully have some blue on them.) Something they need. (We are on the hunt for some Alabama Football shirts) And a gift from Santa. (We got them a green plastic picnic table a while back so that is covered!)

I also managed to buy a couple things for my hubby and one small thing for their stockings. I need more for the stockings for sure!

I also need to get my family's gifts. We draw names to help all of us keep costs low!

I cannot believe Christmas is already hear again!! Oh how I love Christmas! I cannot wait for Christmas morning!

I am planning to do cookies with the boys in a week or two and I am thinking of making Monkey Bread for Christmas morning as well!!

We are also planning to go see the drive through Christmas lights with hot chocolate soon as well!

And our grand finale will be a Birthday Cake for Jesus! I am most excited about this as me and the boys love cake and I am excited to throw a birthday party for Jesus to help us to remember the reason for the season!

Oh what fun this season is! I love sharing all of my favorite things with the boys!

I hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas Season!

Father, I pray that in all the busyness of this season we would all remember why we celebrate to begin with. The birth of our Lord and Savior JESUS CHRIST!! Thank you Jesus for coming to earth in the form of man, born in a stable of all places and for your many sacrifices for your children! I am so thankful for this season and all that it stands for! In Jesus' name. Amen.

Perfection not required

My Good Good Father recently told me this...

“I do not require perfection. I just want you, just as you are. Just exactly as you are. Let my love wash over you. Allow my peace and security to rule in you. I am all you seek and all you need. I am. I can. & I will.”

Perfection is not required. Then why is it that I require it of myself? I do not tolerate mistakes well yet I make them regularly. 

Mistakes, especially those that affect others, knock me down and it is not easy to get back up. I am extremely hard on myself. 

The Lord is not pleased with this. He has been teaching me that I should give grace to myself as I would give it to another. 

This has been a long hard learning for me and one I have yet to grasp fully. 

The Lord is clear about forgiveness in His Word. I am familiar with forgiveness as I require much and I have had to give my fair share. However, when it comes to forgiving myself...let’s just say there is much work left to be done.

Grace is easier to give to someone else. 

Paul said in Philippians 3:13-14 “Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

‭‭NIV‬‬

This is Paul formerly Saul writing. Saul who murdered, imprisoned & tortured people just because they followed The Way (Jesus)!! This is Paul saying yes I have been imperfect but I must press on and not get deterred. There is a race to win, there is a goal ahead. There is a purpose and a plan to fulfill. 

Press on. We must press on. We must do everything that we can to correct what we have done. We must pay the consequences. Then we must press on.

"God does NOT require perfection just obedience." ~ My Hubby

He wants us to NEVER quit or give up. Press on.

I am in such a hard season currently. One where I feel that the Lord is working in me to sanding off many rough edges. This is a painful process! Ultimately, I want to learn the things I need to learn now and quickly so that I can indeed press on and run the race that is set before me.

Isaiah 64:8 "Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand."

I want to be teachable and pliable in His hands. I want to remember that the Master is making a masterpiece. He is not finished with me yet! I need to remember that I am a work in PROGRESS and give myself and others much grace.

Doesn't He do the same. He give grace upon grace.

I will NOT be perfect, as much as I want to be, but I WILL NOT GIVE UP. I will walk through this season allowing the potter to mold me and sand off my rough edges.

Father, I lay myself at Your feet. I ask that you continue your work in me. I am looking forward to my harvest of righteousness and peace according to Hebrews 12:11. I pray for the strength and grace to press on. I pray for joy in this season. I ask for forgiveness and help to learn and grow and allow the sanding to occur. May I not stop the process because it is painful or uncomfortable. Lord, I need you. Every day, hour, minute and second I need you. Help me to lean into you and be more aware of your presence. I love you Lord and I trust You! In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Life these days & other random thoughts

I have sat down so many times to write and have just hit wall after wall. I don't often experience this.

I cannot believe we are already 6 days into November! It is truly amazing how fast time seems to go.

October was a busy month for us but it was good. Hubby and I celebrated 9 years of marriage with a lunch alone. We enjoyed our time together while the boys enjoyed their time with their Boo. 

Our church held a beautiful Pastor Appreciation party for us. We love what we get to do so much and we love this family that we get to be a part of everyday. God has indeed blessed us with and incredible church family and we feel blessed everyday. It is an honor to get to do what we do and we feel that from our head to our toes! 

We had a wonderful Family Fall Festival a few Sundays ago. It was so much fun. The kids in children's church and I started a campaign against my hubs to get him dunked in the dunk tank repeatedly and IT WORKED! We had a blast dunking him and our youth pastor and several others!

Easton had his first dentist appointment. Poor fella has to have fillings this month. I was so disappointed even after we were told that it wasn't because we were not brushing well. I just hate it for the lil man. 

Both boys hit a growth spurt and nearly ate us out of house and home. I couldn't not seem to keep them satisfied. I am not a huge fan of growth spurts because I feel like I don't recognize them for what they are until they are almost over and my poor boys are miserable. 

Hubby put our outside Christmas lights up in October!! We are just so excited to have a house to decorate and could not wait any longer. They look awesome and we all love them so much!! Our trees will be going up just as soon as I can get the house cleaned and organized.

I have been sick for the last several days and have not gotten much done around the house. Both the boys have been a little under the weather too. 

Our days have been starting EARLY since the time change, E likes to get up with the sun. I am going to need to get him some black out curtains so we can sleep past 6am. 

I have noticed that the lighting in my wonderful house has changed with the season and I am loving it. I get more natural light in the kitchen and it just makes my heart so happy. 

The boys and I are a little frustrated with how long it takes for the back yard to dry out so we can go play. We spend most of our time on the front porch if it is not too cool and wet or inside. The boys are already going a bit stir crazy. It may be a long winter season for us. I am going to have to find some creative ways to help the cabin fever!

I am mostly ready for Christmas. We do the 5 gift rule. Something to wear, read, want, need & a santa gift. We have the Santa gift and read covered. I just need to get their wear and want gifts and one other for a family party we're attending. 

We love this time of year! Hubby is loving all of the football on tv and I am loving all the Hallmark movies. We love the cooler weather when we get it. And Christmas is just about to be in full swing! 

Here's to a wonderful month filled with inspiration and fun!

Father,

Thank you for your goodness. Thank you for your unconditional love. Father teach me, show me, change me. Help me to continue on the narrow path and pressing on toward the goal. Help me to forgive freely, love freely, hope freely and strive to be more of the woman that you created me to be. I pray that we would not just survive in this season or the next but that we would thrive and please you. In Jesus name. Amen. 

How the tides have turned.

Have you heard the saying, "the tides have turned"?

Lately I have noticed several different areas in my life where the "tides have turned".  Where one thing has become the opposite of what it was. Some good and some not good.

When I think back on the places I have been and the way things were, I am quite please with how the Lord has allowed the tides to turn in a more favorable way. It took work, lots of work but with the Lord's help and effort the tides turned and there are things that are much better now than before.
I hope that we can all say that there are areas where the Lord has helped us to overcome things and change for the better.

I can also look back and see ways that the tides have turned in an unfavorable way. Pieces of me that when I finally recognize them truly break my heart and some even disgust me.
There have been a couple of situations recently that have caused me stop and to take a good look inward. My initial response was to give in to my sinful nature and to place blame elsewhere but the prompting of the Holy Spirit encourages me to look inward instead of pointing the finger elsewhere.

Pslam 139:23-24 has become my prayer. It says, "Search ME, O God, and know MY heart; test ME and know MY anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in ME, and lead me in THE WAY everlasting."

When I want to point my finger at something or someone else, that is EXACTLY the time when I need to stop and look inward. Desiring to place blame elsewhere, is a tell-tell sign that my sin nature has taken over and I need to quickly turn that finger toward myself ALONE!

Think about it. How are we supposed to recognize sin unless God points it out?

We can trust the Lord with this prayer. Yes, it is initially very uncomfortable to pray and ask God to point out the sin in us and the offensive ways in us. But HE IS TRUSTWORTHY.
God is not a God of condemnation! In fact the opposite is true. God's heart is to convict and save not condemnation. This applies to me and any who may or may not have wronged me.

So when I want to seek justice against something or someone else, God, instead, wants me to pray that those who have hurt or wronged me will turn to him BEFORE he judges them. You see, this is GOD'S HEART, that NONE should perish!

Ultimately I believe that in EVERY situation God desires for us to look to Him for what He can teach us. I want to know if there is any offensive way in me and who better to tell me than MY CREATOR, MY BEST FRIEND, MY GOOD GOOD FATHER? Then, when God shows us, we can repent and be forgiven and we become better and more Christ-like. I want so badly to be more like Christ Jesus EVERYDAY!

If I am not moving forward then I am moving backward. I do not want to go backward. I have worked so hard, with God's help, to get to the place that I am at now and I still have such a long long way to go! There are moments when I absolutely CANNOT wait to get to heaven and BREATHE and finally be done with sin, hurt, pain and shame!

Another scripture that stands out to me is found in Psalm 141:3-4. It says, "Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil to take part in wicked deeds." Oh how desperately I need to make this my prayer as well. I admit that I spend far too much time speaking before I think or pray and allowing my heart to be drawn away from God.

If I spent my energy learning about God and learning what God sees in me then I truly would not have the time or desire to waste on wicked deeds (judgmental thoughts, gossip, etc.).

Father,
Forgive me. Forgive me for allowing my heart to be drawn to evil and for taking part in wicked deeds. Forgive me for allowing my time to be wasted elsewhere. Father I pray that you would search me and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Father I pray that you would set a guard over my mouth and keep watch over the door of my lips. Let not my heart be drawn to what is evil or to take part in wicked deeds. Help me to be brave enough to allow you to search me and show me. Give me strength to truly repent and change my behaviors. I need you everyday Lord. I desire to spend more time with YOU so that I can truly be a light to the world around me. Help me to do a better job of bringing You glory with my thoughts and words, deeds and actions. In Jesus' name. Amen.

In the midst of hurt.

What is my response in the midst of hurt? If I am not careful I will cause hurt in the wake of my hurt.

We've all heard the saying, "Hurt people, hurt people." I simply do NOT want to one of THOSE people.

We ARE all going to experience hurt. Some of it caused by our own sinful nature and some of it caused by the sinful nature of others. It is inevitable. It is a given. Hurt WILL happen.

What is my response in the midst of that? Do I lash out? Do I spread it in order to be heard and seen? Do I speak it to be justified and gather others unto me? Or do I gracefully take it back to Jesus?

In my sinfulness I have done all of those things. I am ashamed to admit but honesty is where I find freedom.

I am sinful. I am imperfect. In the midst of hurts caused both by me and others I have indeed lashed out, spoke out, desired a following and even taken my hurts to Jesus.

As I was studying Hannah (1 Samuel 1:1-28 & 2:1-10) this morning my eyes were opened anew to how God honors those who come to Him in honest prayer, with the hurts of this world.

Hannah was a barren women who shared her loving  husband with a bully who was NOT barren. Hannah could have lashed out, she could have sounded out but instead she wept and prayed before the Lord and asked HIM to intervene on her behalf.

NIV Life Application study notes say: Each of us may face times of barrenness when "nothing comes to birth" in our work, service, or relationships. It is difficult to pray in faith when you feel so ineffective. But, as Hannah discovered, prayer opens the way for God to work.

Pray in faith. Pray in faith when we do not feel like it. Pray in faith when we want to speak out or lash out. Pray in faith when we feel sorry for ourselves. Pray in faith when we feel ineffective.

Prayer opens the way for God to work. Prayer opens our hearts. Prayer opens our eyes. Prayer shifts our focus back to HIM. Pray. Pray. Pray.

Today I have sought the Lord in prayer and have once again asked Him to FORGIVE ME and to PROTECT ME from my own sinful nature and from the bitterness that hurt can cause.

I do not want to hurt people out of my own hurt. I do not want to become bitter. I do not want to walk around with a burden that does not belong to me in the first place. I do not want to be changed from the person God created me to be.

Father,
I pray that no matter what hurt comes my way, may I always bring it right back to you and allow you to carry that burden and heal my heart to the fullest so that I may continue to love without holding anything back. Father, I ask you for forgiveness. Forgive me for lashing out and speaking out when I should have come to you. Forgive me for desiring justification instead of YOUR WILL. Forgive me for allowing ugly things to rule my heart. Father I ask that YOU heal all hurt and remove all bitterness from my heart. Father I ask you to always allow me to love without condition and with abandon. Let me hold nothing back out of fear of hurt. Help me to forgive and I seek to be forgiven. Father I pray for every reader that they too would pray and seek forgiveness and healing instead of justification and agreement from others. Speak Lord. Move Lord. In Jesus precious name I pray. Amen.

Deep Breaths

I have fallen. I have failed. I have hurt myself and others. I have been wrong. I have been wronged. I have lost. I have grieved. I have given. I have taken. I have let go. I have held on. I have won. I have ran. I have stayed. I have tried. I have given up.

Deep Breath.

I am kind. I am mean. I am wild. I am quiet. I am bossy. I am a follower. I am judgmental. I am gracious. I am strong. I am weak. I am bold. I am meek. I am ahead. I am behind. I am tired. I am energized. I am found. I am lost.

Deep Breath.

I want to soar. I want to hide. I want to speak. I want to think first. I want to be the best. I want to melt into the background. I want to be bold. I want to run away. I want to be better. I want to give up. I want to share my story. I want to hide my story. I want to spend. I want to save.

Deep Breath.

We have done many things. We are many things. We want many things.

We are at conflict within ourselves on the regular.

There is constantly a battle raging within us and around us.

Deep Breath.

We are a mash-up of sinful and forgiven.

Deep Breath.

God is NOT surprised by us. He is NOT surprised by the battle that wages in our minds and in the spiritual realm.

GOD IS OMNISCIENT = ALL KNOWING.

GOD IS OMNIPOTENT = ALL POWERFUL.

GOD IS OMNIPRESENT = EVERYWHERE.

Sometimes I think we just need to take a few deep breaths and breathe in the presence of our Lord who is ALWAYS with us. We need to take a moment and step back from the circumstance and ask the Lords to show us TRUTH. Breathe in HIS truth.

He is the AIR we BREATHE. Sometimes we need to take a moment and breathe that in and acknowledge that.

Deep Breath. Breathe HIM in. Breathe in His TRUTH.

We have done and will do many things. Breathe HIM in. We are many things. Breathe HIM in. We want many things. BREATHE.

Father,
Today I have been thankful for the sunshine and for a successful day with Easton and the potty. I have also been frustrated with Grayson's constant crying and clinging. I am been fun and silly with my boys and have been stern with them. I have been overwhelmed with my house and all that needs to be cleaned. So I sat down here in my happy place, my office and I breathed you in deep and you gave me peace and perspective. Sometimes I just need to take a deep breath, like I ask the boys to do, and allow YOU. Thank you Lord for your presence. Thank you for your love. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for your truth. Thank you for being the air I breathe. Thank you for this moment here with you. I love you, I desperately need you, I want you near always. Thank you Heavenly Father for who you are and for all you have been to me. Thank you for being God. Help me to stop trying to be God and to just let YOU. In Jesus' name. Amen.

.

BYE September

Let me just be honest with you all. SEPTEMBER WAS MEAN. It was not my favorite month.

We had a lot of hard things happen to people we love and we had some hiccups in our own little family.

I spent the majority of the month CRYING and GRIEVING and quite a bit lost.

Understand that there were many great things in the month as well but when I think about the month over all it stands as one of the hardest of the year.

I let a lot of balls drop this month and I am quite disappointed in myself for that.

YES, I AM VERY HAPPY TO SAY GOOD BYE TO SEPTEMBER!

Welcome, welcome OCTOBER!

I am choosing to see October as a FRESH START!

October is my FAVORITE month of the year! I fully expect fall temperatures to make an appearance here and there. It is our anniversary month! It is the last month before the craziness of the holidays begin. It is just an all around GREAT month!

October will bring 9 full years of marriage to my Mr. Wonderful and that is more that worth celebrating!

So here's to saying goodbye to a tough month and starting afresh. Here's to letting go of the sadness and choosing to reside in JOY. Here's to moving beyond the disappointments of what I did not get done or did not do well.

HERE'S TO YOU OCTOBER! MAY YOU BE JOYFUL, BEAUTIFUL AND SO MUCH MORE!

Father,
Heal me. Heal my hurts and my heart. Heal my friends and my family. Bring the cooler temperatures and with it winds of refreshing and reflection. Lord may this new month be more successful than the last in all the ways that matter. Lord help me to bring you glory and honor in the way that I love my family and those around me. Help me Father to appreciate more and to see more of the good than I do the bad. Lead me and guide me on the paths that you would have me take. Help me to hear YOUR voice louder than I hear anything else. Do in our lives Lord what ONLY YOU can do! I give you this next month and Father I ask You to have YOUR way! In Jesus name. Amen.

It is Well with my Soul

This was the very first message I wrote as a speaker. It still holds true today.

In order for it to be well with our souls we MUST TRUST Him and not what we "know".

We must TRUST who He is.  God is LOVE.

1 John 4:16 - "As so we know and rely on the love God has for us. GOD IS LOVE. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."

If God is love then we understand from the Word that Love always Trusts.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

No matter what our circumstances are or have been or who has hurt you. God is still Love, He is good, He is faithful and He is trustworthy.

Through it all...It is Well

It is our choice to allow it to be well with our soul no matter what we face. Once we choose to believe in Him and who He is then we must...PRACTICE!

We must PRACTICE and be taught continually and then we stand in Truth and Trust.

HOW?
1. Read the Word. The BIBLE is absolute truth and we need to read and study it daily to know truth!
2. Be in HIS presence. For any relationship to work we must spend time together. God longs to spend time with us. We desperately need to spend time with Him everyday!
3. Speak Truth. Not what our feelings tell us. FEELINGS LIE!

• Numbers 14:1-25 - the Israelite's got caught up in the emotion of the moment...fear...and they forgot what they knew about God's character.
• God led them out of slavery, took them right up to the promised land, protected them, fed them & fulfilled every promise
• Yet they let FEAR take over and they stopped trusting God and THEY NEVER ENTERED THE PROMISED LAND.

4. Stay connected to the body of Christ! We must be a part of a community of believers and allow them to encourage us and correct us. We must continue in open and unguarded relationship with others.


We start by knowing who God is and trusting Him and then that lead us to knowing that IT IS WELL WITH ME!

When it is well with me then I can trust fully.

THIS IS WHAT SETS US APART FROM THE WORLD.

Y'all, I can confidently say that even though it has been a hard month for me that IT IS INDEED WELL WITH MY SOUL!

I still have JOY and I am okay to the core! God is so so good! Especially in the hard times! He is so attentive and loving. And the family of God that He has placed us in, is nothing shy of wonderful!

I am beyond thankful for the place that I am in. Spiritually, emotionally, and physically.

Father,
Thank you for your undying and never changing love and presence. Thank you that it is well with my soul. Thank you Lord that I know that no matter what I face that I am okay. Thank you Lord for the tough times that grow me, push me closer to you and allow others the opportunity to pour out your love into me. Thank you Father for who you are and for all that you are doing. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Hit after hit

I am in a season where it seems that the punches just keep coming one after the other. Anyone of you ever been there?

It has just been one heartache after another.

Even in the midst of these punches I am reminded of God's great love. He is so so good and so so faithful.

He gave me such an incredibly fun and refreshing weekend away with some wonderful women in our church and with other wonderful women in our state! I am beyond thankful for the time away with Him.

I know that He has never left my side no matter what I have faced or what I have done. I am beyond thankful today for that truth.

Deuteronomy 31:8 - "The Lord himself will go ahead of you. He will be with you. He will never leave you. He'll never desert you. So don't be afraid. Don't lose hope."

I have not lost hope. I will not give up. I will continue to stand and to love with heart wide open. I will continue to serve the Lord with all of me.

I am thankful that in a world where I fail people constantly He never fails! In a world where people fail us constantly, God never fails us. He is constant and never changing.

Hebrews 13:8 - "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."

Oh this Monday I am broken and exhausted. This is the same place I have been at for a few months now. I believe that God has me in this place of brokenness for a reason and I know that it is only for a season. I want to learn all that God wants me to learn in this season.

If you are reading this and you have felt like you are just taking hit after hit please know that you are never alone and that there is much to learn in the hard seasons of our life.

Also know that a hard season does not equal a bad life! My life is far from bad. But this season is a difficult one.

Be encouraged today that God sees you and He goes before you and he is right there with us in our most difficult seasons.

I know that there are others that are in much harder seasons than I am in. Much harder! That doesn't lessen the difficulty of this season for me or them.

Father,
I have failed. Over and over I have failed. Others have failed. Others have failed me. In all of this I know that YOU are constant and faithful. We are going to fail. I am going to fail others and myself. Father, I desire to grow in this season and to learn all that you have for me to learn. Help me to see the places where you are calling me to do better, help me to see the places where I need to step back and allow You to move without my interference. Help me Father to continue to love with all of me even when my heart hurts so much. Father help me to continue to stand and trust you and serve you. Help me Father to bring You glory in all that I do and say even when I am hurting. I know that hurt people have a tendency to hurt other people, I ask you Father to protect me from doing that. Help me to be a light in every season of my life. Help me to point my heart and others' hearts back to you. Help me to always be open and honest and not build walls and hide. Father, help me. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Grief Rolls like the Waves

Close your eyes and picture with me...

you're standing on the beach just close enough so that the water touches your toes every several waves except for that one wave that rolls in strong on occasion that drenches your feet and splashes the tips of your shorts just a bit.

Grief or Sadness I think is much the same as this.

There are moments when the water has pulled back and you are completely dry and can laugh, sing and soar with life.

There are moments when the waves come close but do not quite touch you when you are down and quiet.

There are moments when the waves wash over your feet and you are hanging out with memories and tears.

There are the occasional waves that surprise you and wash all the way up splashing your clothes and you are swept up in the heartache of it all.

There are also the occasional waves that knock you down and you are drenched in lost hopes and plans, when you can barely pick yourself up or pull yourself from the sobs that come up like unwelcome water burning your nose.

Grief or Sadness rolls inside of us like the waves.

I am grieving with some of my far away friends these days. I have had moments when I have felt somewhat swept away by the sadness of all they are facing, knowing that I truly have no idea what it feels like to be in their shoes but desperately crying out for them.

I am feeling drenched in lost hopes, dreams and plans that I imagine they had. I weep for the emptiness that I imagine they feel.

I don't know what you may be facing today. I don't know if you are facing grief from loosing a loved one or if you are just experiencing some sadness. Maybe you are in a different kind of valley.

Maybe you are in one of the highs of life, way up on the mountain top watching the waves and enjoying the vast view and the peaceful sound of it all.

Reader, I don't know where you stand today on the edge of such grief, somewhere in the middle or way up upon the cliff of life. But I want you to know that no matter where you stand at this very moment...You are Loved. You are seen. You are known. You are chosen by our Heavenly Father, Creator, Savior, Lord of Lords, and King of Kings. He sees YOU, He knows YOU, He loves YOU and He choose you!

Father,
Help us in anything that we face to recognize YOU. Help us to allow your great love to transform us and to propel us on to the things that you have for us to do. Help us to heal and be comforted. Help us to receive your Peace that transcends all understanding. Help us to hear YOUR voice louder than we hear anything else. Help us to know that we know that we know that we are NOT alone. I pray that we would all come to know you more. Learn to love you more and that we would LIVE to serve YOU all the days of our life. In Jesus name. Amen.

When it hurts more than words

Today my heart hurts so much that I don’t really have words to describe.
Today I am wishing I had super powers. Today I wish I could roll back time and change a few things. Today I wish I would have known then what I know now.

Time is too short. Life is too precious.

 We just don’t know when the end will come. We don’t know what tomorrow holds. We don’t know nearly as much as we think we do. We know so little.

Where is God when we are hurting?

Psalm 34:18-19 - “The Lord is close to those whose hearts have been broken. He saves those whose Spirits have been crushed.”

Where is God? He is right there with us. Closer than ever before. I am so thankful for that truth, that promise.

I feel as though my heart has been broken repeatedly over the last few weeks. From the death of a friend to the needs of my students to the brokenness of many around me and my own brokenness.

It can be a lonely place when others think you have it all together or when your brokenness & imperfections have negatively affected someone you love. Mommying can be a lonely place. Ministry can be a lonely place. Grief can be a lonely place. Loving completely can be a lonely place.

The truth is, WE ARE NEVER ALONE. The Creator of the Universe is in constant pursuit of us and He is ever so near. Will I see Him? Will I acknowledge Him? Will I come to Him? Will I obey him?

The truth is, He has already gone ahead of me and knows the way. Will I follow Him?

At then end of the day, I want more of Jesus. I want to make Him happy. I want to walk well. I want His forgivenwss. I want right relationship with him. I want all of these things more than I want understanding and escape.

Father, Thank you for being close to the broken-hearted. We need you. There is so much hurt around me right now and always. There is so much hurt inside me. Thank you for giving me the capacity to love but I want to love even more. Father help me to just be better. Help me see you and receive you more. Father I pray for comfort for the hurting and peace that transcends all understanding in the days, weeks, months and years ahead. I pray that you would hold them up and draw them close. I pray that you would encourage them and strengthen them. In Jesus name. Amen.