One choice at a time.

How does it happen? How did I get here? Why is God "suddenly" so far away?

It happens one choice at a time. Sin. Christianity.

Romans 1:25 "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator - who is forever praised. Amen."

Romans 1:28 "Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.

This is how sin takes over. Once choice at a time until God gives us over to it. He is a gentleman and He will not force anyone to love him. It happens by our choosing. One choice at a time. Which is why we have to be so careful what we put into our minds. We have to be so careful because the enemy is bombarding us with attitudes and beliefs that are totally opposed to the Bible. TV, music, movies, social media, and all other media are presenting sinful lifestyles and unwholesome behavior constantly, without stopping. Media never stops.

But we have to. We have to stop. We have to remove ourselves from that. We have to do our very best to not be consumed by it. It is literally EVERYWHERE. Even at church.

We have to choose to shut it off and get alone with God. We have to choose to lay down the phones, turn off the world and read our paper bibles, our physical paper bibles. Why? Because there are no distractions in that.

Becoming consumed with sin OR becoming more Christ-like happens one choice at a time.

Choose praise and worship over secular music.
Choose christian fiction over non-christian.
Choose PG over PG13 or worse.
Choose paper over electronic.
Choose devotional time over social media scrolling.
Choose HIM versus the world.
Choose to say NO to sin, the things that tempt you, the things God hates.

We get to choose.

I get to choose.

And I fail at this way more than I care to. But I am praying that once choice at a time will draw me away from these distractions and closer to God.

I want to be more Christ-Like. I want to shine brighter. I want to love bigger. I want to be kinder. I want all of these things.

I want balance. I want HIM. I want my children to choose HIM.

That starts with me. It all starts with me but HE has promised to help and to never leave us or forsake us.

Romans 6:14 "For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."

• If we are bound to Christ, he is our master, and he give us power to do good rather than evil

One choice at a time. With HIS help and HIS power.

I chose to today to get up early to get alone with Him. I am thankful I did.

Will you join me...one choice at a time?

Father,
help us to choose you. Help us to see the places where we need to stop and choose you. Help us to MAKE TIME ALONE WITH YOU AND YOUR WORD. Help us to draw closer to YOU, one choice at a time. I ask for your strength and your power. I ask you Holy Spirit to lead and guide me daily. Help me to hear you louder than I hear anything else. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Control

I am learning everyday how little control I have. I was one of those moms that thought, prior to having children, that I would be able to just say something, then stand my ground, and my children would comply.

Wrong. So so so wrong.

The reality is, the harder I dig my heels in, the worse they respond. Sigh. Oh how very little I know about parenting.

I have learned that there are things that you just have absolutely NO CONTROL over.

For example, my little guy G loves shoes. So while we were in Ross tonight looking for Daddy some new shoes, lil man became very upset because he was not getting to try on new shoes. NO CONTROL OVER THIS. It's absurd actually that this would cause a fit but it did. He got to take his shoes off and try on Daddy's new shoes. Boom! Tantrum over. WHAT!!!??? Insane.

Example number two: Our big boy had two stickers on his cheeks when he went to bed. This was mom's fault. I found a pack of hidden stickers inside the pull up package and got excited because I know how much they love stickers, and gave them both stickers.  So when the stickers came off while E was in the bed, he threw a fit. NO CONTROL OVER THIS. Daddy tried to assert control as E was screaming in his face by giving him a spanking. Nope. Digging heels in did not work. I mean, it just seems logical to me that you should be able to look at your child, say no or stop, and that be that. No, E flew into an absolute fit. I was finally able to get him to calm down by praying. That boy loves stickers. The whole situation was absurd. Insane.

Control. I have very little.

Now don't get me wrong. There are things that are non-negotiable. There are things that they know we will not tolerate.

It is these other things that just astound me. The complete off the wall things that I just don't see coming. Like shoes or stickers. The ridiculous battles that blow me away.

Parenting is hard. It has been the thing that teaches me, more than any other, that control is absolutely an illusion. Control is not real.

This makes me so very sad. I love my illusion of control and cling to it. (See previous blog post about that here Roots).

Father,
Help me to continually let go of my desire to control. Thank you for teaching me that control is just an illusion and for continuing to teach me that over and over. I need it, clearly. Lord, I pray that you would help us as we guide these children. Help us to have your discernment and wisdom. Help us to see through your eyes. Help us in every single way Lord. We need you so much.  Thank you for your help and for your love. Thank you for who you are. In Jesus name. Amen.

When you get everything you ever wanted...

Sigh...here I sit in the realization of God's amazing faithfulness.

I remember as a child dreaming of what my future would look like. Never in all my dreaming and wishing could I have imagine all that God has restored and given.

One of the things I love most about the Lord is that He loves to write the story better than you can dream it. He has done just that for me.

I remember when I came to know the Lord and began working in children's ministry. I was at kids camp and I was really struggling that year with being single and wanting my life to start, never realizing that my life had indeed already started. I was so angry that I was still single and I was desperately seeking my future husband at camp that year.

I remember being so frustrated. That was more than a decade ago and I will forever be thankful that the Lord and the amazing people He placed in my life helped me to wait and not settle for anything less that all that GOD picked for me.

I had all these dreams, wishes and hopes. And now here I sit with many of those dreams, wishes and hopes fulfilled and chock full of new dreams, wishes and hopes.

I am sitting in my office in my new house (something I always dreamed about but never thought would happen). I drive my dream car (I wanted a minivan since I was young and I drive a really awesome one). I have the most amazing husband (I never imagined I would have a man as good as him). I have two incredible boys (oh man do they ever exceed my expectations - just like their daddy). And we are in full-time ministry (well my Hubby is on staff full-time at the church and I get to stay at home with our boys).

Then there are bonuses that I never even thought of. Like, my hubby being on staff or me being the women's ministry director.

I mean, when God does something, He doesn't hold back. He is a good good Father, truly.

So here I sit...having everything I ever wanted and then some, with new dreams and hopes that I am placing right in the hands of my faithful Heavenly Father, because I know from experience that He writes a much better story than I ever could.

I cannot wait to see what He has in store for us as we continue our journey as a family. I cannot wait to see what He has in store for my husband as He continues to give his all in ministry and beyond. I cannot wait to see what He has in store for our boys as they grow and continue to learn (E learned his first Junior Bible Quiz question today! - for more info on what that is click JBQ Overview). I also cannot wait to see what He has in store for me as I continue to seek Him and reach for new dreams and goals.

Dear Reader, hold on to your hopes and dreams with an open hand, allowing God to give and take and write your story just how He knows best. I promise you can trust Him and that He writes the BEST stories!

Matthew 7:9-11 "Which of you, if his son asks for bred, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

Father,
Thank You just doesn't seem like enough for all that you have done in my life and for all that you have given. You exceed my expectations and dreams just because of who you are. Thank you for loving me, for saving me, for calling me out of the darkness. Thank you for using me, calling me, propelling me forward into who YOU created me to be. Thank you for the dreams that YOU have turned into promises fulfilled. Thank you for sharing this incredible family with me. Thank you for never giving up on me no matter how far away I stray. Thank you for giving such incredibly good gifts. Thank you for writing the most amazing story for us and for whatever is yet to come. Thank you. Thank you for sticking with me in every hard season and for not allowing me to stay in those dark places. Thank you for every loss and every gain. Thank you for the sunshine and the rain. Thank you for the learning and the growing no matter how painful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. In Jesus name. Amen.

Kids Blast 2018

Kids Blast is our annual Kids Crusade at our church. It took the place of their VBS.

We do three nights of high energy kids services. We have motion songs, games, candy, prizes, lessons, worship and altar time.

This year's Kids Blast absolutely blew me away.

The theme for Kids Blast 2018 was "No Fear". Once we decided on that theme the Lord began to work on the fear in our lives and in the lives of several members of our team.

Let me just say right now that we have an amazing team!! We are so proud of our students and the adults that came along side us to minister to the kids in our community.

Kids Blast is Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday night. The Sunday night before it starts, our church canvasses the neighborhoods around the church. We knock on doors and invite kids to come.

Each night the kids register, play in the gym, then at 6:00pm they come into the sanctuary and we do 15 minutes of pre-service games then we start service.

We had so much fun and from weeks before we knew that "No Fear" was directly from the Lord. We prayed for adults and kids who are facing fears and who had been allowing fear to control them. Every night God showed up and moved among us.

We are so thankful that God uses us. It is such an honor to serve Him and to share His love with kids, teens and adults.

We wish we had grown up knowing the love of the Lord and knowing that He is always with us. This is what drives us to share with kids God's love now. We want them to KNOW Him so that no matter what they face in life they will know that He will never leave them or forsake them.

The kids around us are facing many things. There are many broken homes and broken hearts around us.

Would you join me in praying that God would continue His work in the days and weeks beyond our kids crusade and that if these babies need a church home that they would feel welcome at our church. We want them to be continually told how much they are loved and have a church family to help them grow and to support them.

Father, Thank you so much for all that you did in during Kids Blast this year. Thank you for all that you brought to light. Thank you for your undeniable love and healing. Thank you for our amazing team, would you bless them and grow them. Thank you for all that you did in me. I ask that you would continue to grow me and propel me forward. Teach me and heal me. Lord I want to serve YOU all the days of my life. Nothing I have ever done compares to serving you and being in your perfect will. Nothing I have ever chased has fulfilled me the way that YOUR love fulfills me. Thank you for loving me, healing me, using me and for being YOU. You are faithful. You are wonderful. You are love. You are truth. You are everything I have ever wanted or needed. I am so thankful that You pull me up out of the darkness and set my feet on solid ground. And I am so thankful that you use me to love your children young and not so young. Thank you Lord. Thank you. In Jesus; name I pray. Amen.

Let me leave you with the lyrics to a wonderful song...Tremble by Bethel Worship

Jesus, Jesus
You make the darkness tremble
Jesus, Jesus
You silence fear

Fear

Fear.

We have been teaching on fear for many weeks now. Not only have I been teaching about it to children and women but God has been teaching ME about it as well.

What have I learned about fear?

• It is one of the main tools of the enemy. He wants us to be completely distracted and immobilized by it. He is good at what he does.

• The Bible talks about fear 365 times through out, once for everyday of the year. I fully believe that is no coincidence.

• Many times when the Bible says "Do not fear" it is followed by, "I am with you." 
• Isiah 41:10 - "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
• Matthew 14:27 - "But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

• Fear needs to come up and OUT of us so that God can replace that fear with good things.

This is a quote that has popped up in my Facebook feed this week:
"Faith changes your perspective from saying "I'm afraid" to saying "I'm excited." - Steve Mason

• This is the exact story of my life. Many of my fears have been turned into things that I am very excited about!
• Public Speaking
• Rain Storms (obviously not bad ones)
• Being alone
• Praying out loud
• Singing/worshiping in front of others

As we have been teaching about fear there have been many fears bubble up inside of me and I have been able to let it come up, feel it, let it go and allow God to connect pieces of my past and present and allow Him to fill me with TRUTH.

I had three days of intense fears and feelings coming up and out of me. And while those three days were hard they were good because I was able to learn more about myself and release more fears to the Lord.

Over the next blog post or two I am going to be sharing some of our teaching about fear in hopes that it too will bless you, free you and help you grow so much more in the Lord just like I have.

What a wonderful thing it is to let go of the things holding us back and have freedom in Jesus Christ our Lord!

Father, today I pray for the one trapped in fear. I pray for freedom. I pray that these readers would be able to easily identify their fears and that you would speak TRUTH to those fears. Jesus I pray that you would light up the darkness of these lies (fears) and that they would begin to immediately walk in freedom and truth. Father I thank you for all that you have done and for all that you are going to do. In Jesus mighty name I pray. Amen.

Roots

The other day I had a cringe-worthy realization. Sometimes I get down right petty with my boys. I get tired and grumpy, and then get on to them about petty things.

Ugh, who wants a mom like that!

I am thankful to have learned that recognition is half of the battle. I do not plan to continue to be petty with my boys. It is something I will be working to stop and change.

But how?

Well, my plan is to find the roots. Where does this pettiness come from? What triggers this inside of me?

As I was thinking about this today I believe I might have found a connecting piece to this new puzzle/battle.

Control. Oh how I love to try to control my surroundings.

I happen to know the roots (there are many) of my control issues, but I had never connected it to this new irritating pettiness.

I understand control to be an illusion, though I make myself quite comfortable in that illusion regularly. I love my illusion of control and hold tightly to it, even though I know that it is just an illusion.

Crazy! Right?

When I feel things begin to spin out of control, which happens quickly when I am tired or grumpy, I begin to try to control all of the petty little things. It builds so quickly, and before I know it, I am literally fussing about EVERYTHING. I fuss about things that I know I would normally not get upset about.

So the root of my petty fussing is control and the root of my control issues is...well a long story, but I am well aware of the root.

So now what?

(I am piecing this together as I write to you reader)

So, now I try to catch myself BEFORE I begin get petty and controlling. I PRACTICE stopping in the midst or preferably BEFORE I get to that point. I apologize to those I am being petty to and try to regroup as quickly as possible.

And by regroup, I mean stop and ask Jesus to come into the moment immediately when I recognize the battle.

Roots...roots are often hidden far beneath the surface but it is worth our while to dig deep and identify them. I believe that it is then that we can really begin to win the battle.

What are the roots of your battles? What are your battles?
Fear? Control? Pettiness? Complaining? Gossiping? Anger? Jealousy?

Jesus,
I ask you right now to come into our moments, make yourself known and felt. I pray that we would be able to easily identify the battles and the roots and that we would allow YOU to come in and dispel the lies of our enemy, the devil. I pray Jesus that you would fill us with your wisdom and discernment. I pray Jesus that you would help us to have clear vision and that you would help us to be willing to find the cause inside of us instead of pointing the finger else where. I thank you Jesus for the learning that when something comes up that displeases us the first place we are to look in within OURSELVES and not point the finger at another. Help me to see if there is any offensive way in me. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen

Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting

Psalm 139:23-24

Vulnerability

Recently, the Lord asked me to do something that was outside of my comfort zone. Well, if I am being honest, He has a way of continually pulling me outside of my comfort zone and right into a place of vulnerability.

I do not love the feeling of being vulnerable or exposed. But, it is there in that place that I learn the most. Why? Because I cannot rely on myself. I have to rely on HIM. If only I could learn to rely on Him without having to be shoved out of my comfortable places.

Many things about my life, as it currently is, are well outside of my comfort zone. I am a stay at home mom. For the first time since I was 15, I am completely dependent on someone else. My mom, the strongest woman I have ever known, taught me how to work hard and take care of myself. And that is exactly what I did. But as a stay at home mom, I bring in no income of my own. This is most definitely outside of my original comfort zone. I am learning to be comfortable with it, because I no longer depend on myself or even my amazing husband, but on the God who called me here and who is trustworthy. Also, as a stay at home mom, I have the most important job: raising up two precious little boys. Oh boy, oh boy, does this ever take me out of my comfort zone.

We just currently bought a house. Yes, this too makes me uncomfortable. I have always had a landlord to call when things tear up or need repair. Not anymore! We are responsible! That is a vulnerable place to be for me.

Speaking to women. VULNERABLE, oh so so vulnerable. But I absolutely LOVE it. Who would have ever thought? Certainly not me.

Moving away from my family was the hardest thing I have ever done. I had never been away from my mom and the rest of my family. God, said "Go" and it was UNCOMFORTABLE. Vulnerable.

All of these places of vulnerability force me to stop depending on myself and others, and depend on God. That is where he wants us to be, in a place where we depend on Him. Why? Because He is trustworthy and I believe that is the place where we are truly the closest to being who He created us to be.

I am learning to love the places of vulnerability because they draw me closer to my number one, my Heavenly Father. He created us to live in constant union with Him and so much of this world takes us away from that and distracts us. So much of my flesh distracts and removes me from union and relationship with my CREATOR.

God knows us better than anyone on this earth ever could. He knows what we need and when we need it. I don't know about you, but, I want to be in constant union and relationship with my Creator, the one who knows what's best for me.

You see, God's feelings and hurts never cloud his judgement. He literally always does what is best for us.

I want to be vulnerable. Anyone want to join me?

Heavenly Father - Creator,
Let us reside in a place of total dependency on You. Let us know in our knowers that You are entirely and completely trustworthy. Let us live as close to you as is possible this side of Heaven. I ask these things in Jesus' name. Amen.